


Anguish

by sondaze



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Exes, Fanfiction, First Love, Heartache, Heartbreak, Jung Sungchan is Whipped, M/M, Mentioned Liu Yang Yang, Moving On, NCT 2020, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28908120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sondaze/pseuds/sondaze
Summary: an·guish/ˈaNGɡwiSH/nounsevere mental or physical pain or suffering.- in where struggling to move on and struggling to hold on rattle sungchan's brain.
Relationships: Jung Sungchan/Liu Yang Yang
Kudos: 9





	Anguish

**Author's Note:**

> hiii, this is my first ever post, and this is somewhat based on a true story going on in my life. this is something i still, unfortunately, go through. amongst the characters, of course, this is purely fiction. i just want to say, don't ever settle for less, don't ever hold on to someone that wouldn't do the same for you. it's okay to not be okay. it's okay to heal slower than others. it's okay to be selfish when it comes to your wellbeing. go at your own pace and do what's best for you
> 
> i chose yangyang & sungchan, not because of the rarity of this ship (pretty sure this is no existent lmao) but because of their zodiac signs. sungchan is a virgo, yangyang is a libra. my ex is a libra, and i am a virgo. and according to astrology, they're two signs that are destined for anything but romance when it comes to one another. my point is, without communication and genuine love from both sides, we were destined from the start. if you happen to be either of these signs, dating a virgo or libra, i wish you more than what i got, and more than what i gave. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy :)
> 
> \- son

Sungchan held tightly onto his warm mug full of hot chocolate. The steam swirling in the air the way his thoughts swirled in his head. He was seated at the large mahogany desk in his room, staring at the blank word document in front of him, on his monitor screen. 

His phone chimed, signifying a notification, but the noise fell on deaf ears. 

He took a tiny sip of his drink, before setting it down. He glimpsed to his left, staring at the phone screen just as it went dark again, catching a small glance at his lockscreen. 

His heart accelerated thinking of the meaning behind the happy picture. He remembered he no longer felt those emotions. The only thing clouding him was painful memories, the same way the steam from his coca clouded the top of the mug. 

Sungchan clenched his fists, grimacing at the way he’d been so sensitive to a picture. 

Letting go was hard. Pretending to be okay, even harder. 

He didn’t know where he and Yangyang had gone wrong. 

He didn’t know when the endless smiles and laughter turned into cold blooded arguments with vicious insults.

He didn’t know when “I love you.” turned into nothing but text messages left on delivered for hours at a time. 

Maybe Yangyang truly had stopped loving him. Maybe Sungchan had been holding onto nothing due to the fear of never finding another love like this.

Sungchan craved to feel again. He craved for the happiness he’d once felt. He wanted to feel the love that was so loud it made others smile, just one more time. 

It’d been a few years, and Yangyang had moved on. Yangyang had found solace in someone else that was no longer Sungchan. 

It’d been short of three years, and Sungchan had found temporary comfort in temporary bodies. He was still broken. He was still lost, he was still alone. 

“My biggest regret is hurting you the way I did.” 

Sungchan never understood it. There were always chances to fix mistakes, yet, Yangyang never took those chances. Yangyang turned his back while Sungchan had always kept an arm stretched out for him. 

“Maybe it’s time to let go..” Sungchan muttered to no one but himself.  
His phone lit up again, a new notification. 

Yangyang: Hey chan, want to call tonight, and watch me play video games? 

Times like this Sungchan regretted being friends with Yangyang again. He regretted letting him into his life, but he couldn’t help it. He was weak, he’d always be weak for Yangyang. 

Sungchan: I would love to, bubba :] 

First loves never die. They never go away, they stay forever. 

It was hard to accept that Sungchan wasn’t Yangyang’s first love, he was a temporary love. Someone with no significant role in Yangyang’s life. He was meant to be a stranger or a friend in this lifetime.

“Why did you give me your heart? I was just a kid.”

It always made Sungchan scoff. It made sense but it didn’t. Sungchan was a kid too. A kid in love. A kid that didn’t deserve the heartbreak he’d received when all he’d done was love.

Sungchan wiped his eyes, pushing his phone aside. Looking at the blank screen, as he began typing:

Steps to Moving On.

Step 1: Admit you’re hurt. Admit you aren’t okay. 

Sungchan lied down on his bed, just as his phone began to ring with a facetime notification. 

He answered immediately, a smile adorning his face. The pain had subsided for now. His chest blossoming with love and adoration. His eyes glued to the phone as the call connected and he’d heard Yangyang’s voice.

“Hi.”


End file.
